I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
