im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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