Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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