the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
