why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
