the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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