ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
