He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
