You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
