all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
