Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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