watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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