A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
