Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
