Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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