Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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