If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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