Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
