these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
