I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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