I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I supernannyed him into submission
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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