I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
