I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
