just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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