he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
