theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
