I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize