I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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