Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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