Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
