Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
