I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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