6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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