All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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