Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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