Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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