dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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