just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
