Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
