waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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