My room smells like vodka and shame
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
