WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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