Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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