i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Life is so much better after having sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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