Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
