I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
