Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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