Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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