Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did I show you my penis last night?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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