You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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