I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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