It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize