you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
