Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
